So I'm 6 months into this now and so far so good. It definitely hasn't been an easy go. On the second day of our very first training it took everything inside of me to not just totally break down. We were practicing resuscitation and Everytime I got the baby I wanted to scream. For anyone that doesn't know, not only am I a single mother of 5 boys, I also lost my daughter 2.5 years ago now due to many complications with her heart. She was a fighter and grew so very tired.
It has not only been a struggle trying to read, study and keep up with homework all while trying to keep 5 boys fed, up to date with homework, at sports and every other thing they must do....it has been very difficult trying to not personalize many things I am learning about in classes when it comes to the care and disease process of my Princess' condition.
I have had many many classes and days when all I wanted to do was cry and have come very close to losing it on class. I've screamed on the inside while getting a better understanding of what she went through and why doctors and nurses did some of the things they did. Then I learn about new advances in medicine and think if we only did that or why didn't they do that. Talking about heart disease and brain pressures has been by far the worst. However I keep moving forward not allowing myself to be stuck in all that in an unhealthy manor...it's a process, grief! If I can't work through this now I may never be able to and I want to be able to provide the best care I can when I am finally licensed :)
So far I have enjoyed almost every aspect of my studies and am looking forward to more clinical time. To be honest I really just wanna be thrown into the ER!! I really have a special place in my heart to work in pediatrics, I always have and think that that is where I will end up.
So back to my studies I go!
Take care :)
